| 
|  | In my dream, drilling into the marrow
 of my entire bone,
 my real dream,
 I'm walking up and down Beacon Hill
 searching for a street sign -
 namely MERCY STREET.
 Not there.
 
 I try the Back Bay.
 Not there.
 Not there.
 And yet I know the number.
 45 Mercy Street.
 I know the stained-glass window
 of the foyer,
 the three flights of the house
 with its parquet floors.
 I know the furniture and
 mother, grandmother, great-grandmother,
 the servants.
 I know the cupboard of Spode
 the boat of ice, solid silver,
 where the butter sits in neat squares
 like strange giant's teeth
 on the big mahogany table.
 I know it well.
 Not there.
 
 Where did you go?
 45 Mercy Street,
 with great-grandmother
 kneeling in her whale-bone corset
 and praying gently but fiercely
 to the wash basin,
 at five A.M.
 at noon
 dozing in her wiggy rocker,
 grandfather taking a nap in the pantry,
 grandmother pushing the bell for the downstairs maid,
 and Nana rocking Mother with an oversized flower
 on her forehead to cover the curl
 of when she was good and when she was...
 And where she was begat
 and in a generation
 the third she will beget,
 me,
 with the stranger's seed blooming
 into the flower called Horrid.
 
 I walk in a yellow dress
 and a white pocketbook stuffed with cigarettes,
 enough pills, my wallet, my keys,
 and being twenty-eight, or is it forty-five?
 I walk. I walk.
 I hold matches at street signs
 for it is dark,
 as dark as the leathery dead
 and I have lost my green Ford,
 my house in the suburbs,
 two little kids
 sucked up like pollen by the bee in me
 and a husband
 who has wiped off his eyes
 in order not to see my inside out
 and I am walking and looking
 and this is no dream
 just my oily life
 where the people are alibis
 and the street is unfindable for an
 entire lifetime.
 
 Pull the shades down -
 I don't care!
 Bolt the door, mercy,
 erase the number,
 rip down the street sign,
 what can it matter,
 what can it matter to this cheapskate
 who wants to own the past
 that went out on a dead ship
 and left me only with paper?
 
 Not there.
 
 I open my pocketbook,
 as women do,
 and fish swim back and forth
 between the dollars and the lipstick.
 I pick them out,
 one by one
 and throw them at the street signs,
 and shoot my pocketbook
 into the Charles River.
 Next I pull the dream off
 and slam into the cement wall
 of the clumsy calendar
 I live in,
 my life,
 and its hauled up
 notebooks.
 |  | 
I had no idea about the story behind the song Trevor. It really strikes home after reading the poem. Thanks for posting the poem and the link. Very moving!!!!
ReplyDeletePleasure, and nice to meet you John Henry.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you have the blues?
Just want to echo what John said - thanks for sharing the story
ReplyDelete